At this moment I am fighting the urge to drink. I don’t even want to get drunk, I just really feel like having a drink right now. With all of the down time I now find myself with, since being recently unemployed, I feel as if I should be filling the void with alcohol.
Over this past year, I would say that I have significantly cut down on my alcohol consumption compared to the previous years of my life. I have probably been drunk, maybe five times all year. Before, I would be drunk five times within a week to two weeks period. Part of the reason for the downturn in drunkenness, is that I am more prone to being hungover. And I hate hangovers. Though I’ve never met someone who was in love with being hungover. I was able to drink heavily and wake up the next day with limited issues. Now I can drink a six pack and if I don’t get eight hours of sleep and a sufficient amount of water, I wake up the next day feeling like shit.
The problem I face right now is that there is a thin layer of will power blanketing my body to keep me from drinking. It wouldn’t take much coercion to get me to a bar or store to get alcohol. My day to day life at this moment doesn’t make me stop and think, “I shouldn’t drink, I have things to do.” Clean the apartment? I can drink and do that. Read? I can drink and do that. Write? That seems to go hand in hand with drinking. Look for a job? I can cruise the internet with one hand and have a beer in the other. And since I live right in Albany, there is no reason for me to drive anywhere, since I can just walk to most places I need to go. And I could probably use a few drinks to navigate the wintry sidewalks of this fair city.
The reason that stops me more so, is that I have lived once before with no job, no future, and in a deep depression with alcohol holding my hand along the way. It definitely was not the most pleasant of times. Thankfully, I think I have found a balance in life. I crave alcohol on a constant basis, but I remember enough of the bad times to not let it have control over me like it once did.