I Want A Drink

At this moment I am fighting the urge to drink.  I don’t even want to get drunk, I just really feel like having a drink right now.  With all of the down time I now find myself with, since being recently unemployed, I feel as if I should be filling the void with alcohol.

Over this past year, I would say that I have significantly cut down on my alcohol consumption compared to the previous years of my life.  I have probably been drunk, maybe five times all year.  Before, I would be drunk five times within a week to two weeks period.  Part of the reason for the downturn in drunkenness, is that I am more prone to being hungover.  And I hate hangovers.  Though I’ve never met someone who was in love with being hungover.  I was able to drink heavily and wake up the next day with limited issues.  Now I can drink a six pack and if I don’t get eight hours of sleep and a sufficient amount of water, I wake up the next day feeling like shit. 

The problem I face right now is that there is a thin layer of will power blanketing my body to keep me from drinking.  It wouldn’t take much coercion to get me to a bar or store to get alcohol.  My day to day life at this moment doesn’t make me stop and think, “I shouldn’t drink, I have things to do.”  Clean the apartment?  I can drink and do that.  Read?  I can drink and do that.  Write?  That seems to go hand in hand with drinking.  Look for a job?  I can cruise the internet with one hand and have a beer in the other.  And since I live right in Albany, there is no reason for me to drive anywhere, since I can just walk to most places I need to go.  And I could probably use a few drinks to navigate the wintry sidewalks of this fair city. 

The reason that stops me more so, is that I have lived once before with no job, no future, and in a deep depression with alcohol holding my hand along the way.  It definitely was not the most pleasant of times.  Thankfully, I think I have found a balance in life.  I crave alcohol on a constant basis, but I remember enough of the bad times to not let it have control over me like it once did.  

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